Thursday, 18 March 2010

My Top 10 Worst Films Of All Time

Ok here we go. Again interesting, I'm sure a lot of people like some of these but for me, they're just appalling. I've chosen films that are more mainstream, I've seen some dreadful films but they went straight to DVD and had virtually no budget so I'm not really counting them. The trully awful ones are the films that have big budgets and still manage to cock up:

1) The Other Man - Despite having Liam Neeson and Antonio Banderas in this film is pretty really quite bad. The twist is weak and the film has no real sense of achievement or any decent morals. I kinda like the Italian setting but it can't save this weak performance.

2) B.A.S.I.C - What? What? What? This film seriously doesn't make any sense and almost all of it takes place in a dark jungle where you seriously can't tell whats going on. Who wants that? The plot is dreadful and manages to prove the rule that all actors have at least one bad film. Both Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta star! The question is not Who Dunnit? But instead, Who Cares?

3) Garfield 2 - Its one of those ones that any sane adult would realise is gonna be crap before they watch it. However, some how it manages to be crapper. Theres no laughs and the orange rat that is Garfield is a "character" that really really annoys me. Plus it does obnoxious Hollywood thing of overexaggerating everything British. No we don't actually speak like that, no we don't all live in rich manors and no we definately do not drink nothing but tea!

4) Vantage Point -  Wow, I thought it was going somewhere, I thought there'd be a huge twist. Well there was a twist but it certainly wasn't huge. OMG there was a double agent involved! I didn't see that coming! Seriously, find something original. And the rest of the story, well essentially it's about 6 back to back clips that last about 15 minutes each of exactly the same event, just from different viewpoints. URGH! Boring boring boring!

5) Spy Kids 3 - Now maybe my expectations were too high. After all, it was the first 3D film out in the cinemas that I went to see. And not immersive 3D like they have now, actual it-comes-right-out-at-ya-and-it-feels-like-you-can-touch-it 3D. However, it was tacky, very tacky which is a shame. The first Spy Kid movies I actually really enjoyed and the second one wasn't bad. But this, well its like they ran out of ideas. Like a lot of 3D films these days, it seems like the plot was designed completely around the idea of 3D and not the other way round, leaving little room for anything original.

6) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Ok so this ones pretty controversial, all my family enjoyed it. They said Indiana Jones had always been corny. Well yes it had, but not like this, this was a new level of corny and unrealistic. What happened to hidden artifacts and Nazi's!? Instead you have aliens and the classic thing that all comeback movies do where they take all the small good things of the original films and try to regurgitate them, creating something unfunny, unorginal and unimportant to the plot. I mean, theres one point where you've got Harrison Ford with one leg in one truck and the the other in another truck, and being driven over some cactus's. It's like, yeah he's super strong and amazing! HE'S NOT THAT BLOODY SUPER STRONG AND AMAZING!!!

7) Mamma Mia - I think most guys will be with me on this one whilst all the girls will be plotting my assassination when reading this. But lets face it, Pierce Brosnan can't sing, the songs are corny if you're under 40 and the bit at the end when you're in the cinema and old ladies in the audience start to stand up and sing and dance makes you want to kill yourself! The one thing I will allow it is the setting which is very nice and wins back a small amount of respect.

8) Red - Now this is probably my own fault. Blockbuster put this movie in the horror section of their shop, obviously without even viewing it. Clearly they thought, "It has blood on the front and the name red so it must be a horror", unfortunately anything but! Its about a man whose dog gets killed and then he goes out for revenge! Sadly that revenge takes the form of a legal case (obviously since its American) and not a huge blood rampage that the cover and even to an extent the misleading bit on the back had suggested. Hmmm...

9) The Devil Wears Prada - Unfortunately for this film, they were just unlucky. It could have been one of a number of romcoms but I chose this because its probably the most generic of them all. SOOOO obvious and dull. And theres something about Anne Hathaway that I really don't like, shes just a bit wierd and I don't really get her success.

10) Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief - This film reminded me of the kind of stories I used to write when I was 10 where everything happened so quickly and the main characters just supposed to buy it. But in reality nothing happens like that. It takes Mr Jackson, the 16 or whatever year old about 2 minutes to get over his mums death, even though he then spends the rest of the film trying to get her back. It's a real shame, the plot is pretty interesting, I like the idea of Greek mythology in todays world but its just silly. The ancient mythes are all held in such generic places. Vegas, The Empire State Building, and the whole thing stinks of a Harry Potter copy. I really wasn't impressed.

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